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Humorous

  • I don’t drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.

    ~ Robert Downey, Jr. - Posted By: anonymous

     
  • The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

    ~ George Carlin 1937 - 2008 Posted By: anonymous

     
  • Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.

    ~ Bill Cosby - Posted By: anonymous

     
  • When your feet hit the floor each morning, do you make your enemy the devil say, "Oh crap, he's up"?

    ~ Dr. Tony Evans - Posted By: anonymous

     
  • Never test the waters with both feet.

    ~ Unknown - Posted By: anonymous

     
  • Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train.

    ~ Charles Barkley - Posted By: Bill C

     
  • Middle age is when you’re faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home at 9:30.

    ~ Ronald Reagan 1911 - 2004 Posted By: anonymous

     
  • So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

    ~ George Carlin 1937 - 2008 Posted By: anonymous

     

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