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Humorous

  • I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.

    ~ George Carlin 1937 - 2008 Posted By: anonymous

     
  • Look at me. Worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

    ~ S.J. Perelan 1904 - 1979 Posted By: anonymous

     
  • It is well for people to change their minds occasionally in order to keep them clean.

    ~ Luther Burbank 1849 - 1926 Posted By: anonymous

     
  • If you speak when you’re angry, you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.

    ~ Unknown - Posted By: anonymous

     
  • If there was a way to read a woman’s mind, I am not sure I would want to. I hate shoes, shopping, gossip, and I already know I am annoying.

    ~ Unknown - Posted By: anonymous

     
  • The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

    ~ George Carlin 1937 - 2008 Posted By: anonymous

     
  • Hooray for most things!

    ~ George Carlin 1937 - 2008 Posted By: anonymous

     
  • Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

    ~ Unknown - Posted By: anonymous

     

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