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Humorous

  • I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

    ~ Jeff Foxworthy - Posted By: Bill C

     
  • He who throws dirt loses ground.

    ~ Unknown - Posted By: anonymous

     
  • When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

    ~ Mark Twain (Samuel L. Clemens) 1835 - 1910 Posted By: anonymous

     
  • When your feet hit the floor each morning, do you make your enemy the devil say, "Oh crap, he's up"?

    ~ Dr. Tony Evans - Posted By: anonymous

     
  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

    ~ Unknown - Posted By: anonymous

     
  • If you speak when you’re angry, you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.

    ~ Unknown - Posted By: anonymous

     
  • The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

    ~ Ronald Reagan 1911 - 2004 Posted By: anonymous

     
  • One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.

    ~ George Carlin 1937 - 2008 Posted By: anonymous

     

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